What I wanted.

I’ve always known exactly what I wanted.

Correction: for as long as I can remember, I’ve always known exactly what I ultimately wanted. I’ve always had a clear idea of what I wanted the big picture to eventually look like.

However, when it came to the short-term or the here-and-now, I have always been extremely indecisive.

This is how my mind has operated for as long as I can remember. And I’ve always kind of liked it that way. In fact, I have always believed those contrasting viewpoints helped to balance me out.

And then…everything changed. Poof!

My big picture is nothing but a memory. My visualization has vanished.

I know exactly what I want to do today, but if you asked me where I saw myself in 5 years, I would answer you with a blank expression.

I found the above post in my draft folder, dated July 7th. Fast forward three months and it seems as if I still feel exactly as I felt when I first sketched out these words.

Choosing MY Own Adventure.

I’ve had enough. Enough complaining. Enough pouting. Enough feeling sorry for myself. Enough acting as if the situation is out of my control. Enough of this negative, pessimistic, defeatist attitude.

Maybe the world doesn’t owe me anything, maybe the world isn’t my oyster, BUT that does NOT mean that I should give up believing in the possibility of achieving my dreams.

Because if I don’t believe in myself, how can I expect anyone else to believe in me?

From here on out…I am choosing my own adventure.

Maybe I’ll go back to Antwerp and become fluent in Dutch. Maybe I’ll go to Iceland and become a hot Viking chick. Maybe I’ll join the Peace Corps and save the world. Maybe I’ll escape to the mountains of Colorado on a permanent yoga retreat. Maybe I’ll travel down Tobacco Road and get my doctorate at UNC. Maybe I’ll dance on down to Latin America and Zumba my way through life. Maybe I’ll awaken Ansel Adams from the dead and steal his eye for genius black-and-white photography. Or perhaps I’ll follow all of my crazy dreams, as ever-changing as they are, and just see where I end up.

It’s MY life. It’s MY adventure. I could flip to page 13 or page 207…whatever I choose.

Hang on, folks! It might be a bumpy ride!