Multiverse.

I feel like I’m in an alternate universe. Or maybe a parallel universe. Or perhaps a multiverse, if you will…

Multiverse (or meta-universe [metaverse]): the hypothetical set of multiple possible universes (including our universe) that together comprise all of reality. The structure of the multiverse, the nature of each universe within it and the relationship between the various constituent universes, depend on the specific multiverse hypothesis considered.

Confusing, huh?

Exactly.

My universe, correction: my multiverse, is very confusing right now. Which is odd, because, on the surface it probably seems to be relatively simple.

My daily life consists of the following:

1. Wake up at 6:45
2. Go to The Weight Club, work out for approximately 1.5 hours
3. Return home, shower, prepare for the day
4. Go to Starbucks, drink espresso/job search/blog for approximately 6 hours
5. [Occasionally I will relocate to Panera for lunch & a change of scenery]
6. Return home, relax for a couple hours
7. Eat dinner
8. Continue to job search until I get tired
9. Go to bed
10. Repeat from the beginning

Pretty straight forward. Pretty scheduled. Pretty routine. So where does the confusion come into play?

…between the lines…

When I’m at home, I feel like I’m back in high school.

When I’m at The Weight Club, surrounded by Virginia Tech students, I feel like I’m back in college.

And, oddly enough, when I’m at Starbucks, I’m more confused than any other time of day. When I’m at Starbucks, I feel like I’m in one of three universes: 1) I feel like I’m back in Boston, it’s a typical Saturday or Sunday morning and I’m starting my day with a latte, a good book and a blog entry or 2) finally! I’ve found my dream job! I get to spend all day at Starbucks people watching, drinking coffee, reading and blogging! or 3) the actual reality of the situation – I’m at Starbucks looking for a new job because I’m unemployed and living at home.

So this is my multiverse. My “reality.” I wish I could dilute the confusion, but honestly, I’m not sure if I’m able to decompose the structure of my hypothetical set of multiple possible universes.

Spoiled Brat.

In the grand scheme of things, I have had an absolutely incredible life. I have a wonderful family and extraordinary friendships. I grew up in a beautiful place with a plethora of opportunities. I had an amazing education…several amazing educations, in fact. Throughout my life, I’ve been lucky to experience many different and exciting things. I really have absolutely nothing to complain about.

And yet, I feel like all I do is complain. I’m sick of hearing myself talk. I’m sick of even thinking half the things that go in and out of my mind on a daily – scratch that – hourly basis.

Truth is, I’ve never really had to try that hard to get what I wanted. And now it seems as if what I want is a galaxy away and I have no idea how I’m ever, ever going to get there. I am absolutely petrified.

So what do I do? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I keep complaining. I keep telling myself that everything will eventually work itself out. Because that’s how my life has always gone. I keep telling myself that 6 months from now, I will look back and laugh at myself for being so worked up and worried about everything. And that needs to stop, I need to stop.

I need to stop being a spoiled brat and I need to face the music that is my life. The world is not my oyster. The world does not owe me anything. And nothing will be handed to me on a silver platter unless I work for it. Because expecting everything to just poof! – magically happen – is not realistic and certainly not proactive. This is my life and if I want it to go the way I want it to go I had better step up and do something about it myself.