Too available.

Today someone said something to me that I have never heard someone say…at least not in reference to how I live my life.

“You are making yourself too available.”

What? I thought. No. I could never be too available.

I’m the one that is always too busy. I’m the one that is always preoccupied. I’m the one that is always making excuses. I’m the one that is always selfishly absorbed in getting enough “me” time. I am never, on the other hand, the one who can’t seem to get enough of someone else.

And so, this comment struck me in a hard and unexpected way. At first I tried to defend myself. I rambled on and on about how “this” wasn’t me and “this” was very uncharacteristic and out of the ordinary. True and true. But “this” is the situation regardless of how anti-me it seems to be.

I can do one of two things…1) I can just let go for once in my life and see how everything plays out or 2) I can do what I do best and simply force the fizzle.

I don’t like my options. I think I am virtually incapable of option #1 and option #2 doesn’t seem particularly appealing either.

I like him. Another truth. And it scares me to death. Then add a comment like “You are making yourself too available” to the equation and it discombobulates everything even further. It messes with my head. I had already decided I was done playing games, but now it seems as if I have unintentionally slipped into yet another game.

Now I can’t help but ask myself, am I making myself too available?

If the answer “yes” comes to my head for just a fraction of a second (which, let’s be honest, the very existence of this post proves that it has), I will backpedal. And if I backpedal, the likelihood of a fizzle becomes far more probable.

I don’t like my options.

I like him, I have to remind myself. So why do I allow such comments to poison my mind? Why do I allow myself to revert back to such a state of stubbornness? And why am I unable to just enjoy the moment and let things be?

I met him on my iPhone.

I have never had the desire to sign up for eHarmony or Match.com. I have never understood the fascination and curiosity that surrounds the world of online dating. I have never been able to identify with people who have chosen that method as a means of meeting people.

I’m all about the digital age, don’t get me wrong. In fact, my career pretty much revolves around it. I just feel that certain things are better left offline. And dating, for me, definitely falls into that category.

However, it seems if I have become a hypocrite. Shortly after uprooting my life in Boston and moving to Washington, DC to start fresh, I downloaded an application called Loopt Mix on my iPhone. I saw an article on Mashable (my favorite news blog site on social media) about the application and couldn’t help but be a bit curious. Honestly, it seemed kind of sketchy, but I suppose my curiosity beat out my skepticism in this case because I soon found myself chatting away with strangers who were “within 5 miles” of me.

Sure enough, my initial hypothesis was right: there were a lot of creepy guys on the application! But I soon discovered a handy block button and was able to filter out the weirdos quickly and painlessly. While I was half-tempted to delete the application within the first 48 hours of having it, I opted to stick around in hopes that it would be a good way to meet more people in the area and learn about different things that were going on. I was right. One of my “friends” noticed that I listed photography as an interest and told me about FotoWeek DC.

I soon discovered, however, that while I had the intention of using the application to meet people, I didn’t actually feel comfortable when asked to do so. Except when it came to him. After several weeks of back and forth conversation with him, I agreed to upgrade our friendship to the level of Facebook. And shortly thereafter, I agreed to meet him…in person. We no longer talk on the application where we first met, but I am fully aware of the fact that I met him on my iPhone. I really have no room left to judge people who participate in online dating. After all, what I did (am doing?) is more or less the same exact thing.

Off-limits.

off–lim·its: not to be interfered with, considered, or spoken of <her best friend’s ex-boyfriend was off-limits due to an unspoken girl code>

We all know of these codes: the unspoken cultural “rules” of acceptable behavior when it comes to navigating the sometimes choppy waters of feelings, friendships and relationships.

But I wonder, how often are these codes really adhered to? And more importantly, how often are these codes casually and subtly ignored? How often are these codes overlooked for the sake of curiosity, the sake of a little crush or simply the sake of some excitement?

The other day I ran into the roommate of a guy I used to date. Well, technically, he is now the ex-roommate of a guy I used to date. But you get where I’m going with this…

It’s was funny - for some reason he couldn’t remember which of his roommates he knew me from yet he could remember little details about me in general (where I was from, where I went to college, where I worked, etc). I chalked it up to my catching him off guard before he had his morning coffee (we ran into each other in line at Starbucks). No big deal, I thought, just another random encounter.

Later that night he requested me as a friend on Facebook and sent me a message saying how nice it had been to see me. It still didn’t really make much sense to me (I couldn’t even remember his name, much less anything else about him!), but I accepted his digital friendship nevertheless. What’s one more friend once you have over 700?

The next night he messaged me again:

What’s your story this weekend? We should catch up.

Catch up? He lost me there. What exactly did we have to catch up on, I wondered? When I was dating his roommate, I think we exchanged a total of 9 words…if that!

And so I started thinking…who really counts as off-limits? Of course, the above story is a relatively mild example as I only dated his roommate for a few months and they don’t even live together anymore. Not to mention the fact that his roommate is now on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. Regardless, they are still friends.

But I’ve definitely had my fair share of far more extreme off-limits situations. The absolute worst was probably when the brother of a guy I was dating told me he was a better match for me than his brother at his brother’s birthday party.

I know you’re dating my brother, but I think I would be so much better for you. You and I have so much more in common. And, I’m not sure if I should tell you this, but I think he may be cheating on you.

Yep, that one could be in the dictionary as an example for the term off-limits…especially because, as it turned out, the brother in question was not actually cheating on me.

But I digress…really, what counts as off-limits anymore? I feel like people in general are starting to have less and less regard for these so-called codes and unspoken rules. If your brothers current girlfriend doesn’t fall into the off-limits column, I don’t know what does! Granted, sometimes these codes seem a little silly, but for the most part I think they have been etched into our culture for the sole reason of preventing people from getting caught up in the moment and therefore causing unnecessary pain to those they care for. These unspoken rules, as trivial as they may sometimes seem, greatly help to reduce the drama of human nature. So why do so many people insist upon crossing the line and breaking the code?