He Cheated on Her.

My mother and my father divorced when I was four-years-old. At the time I suppose I was upset, but I can’t really recall the details of the moment to tell you for sure. Regardless, I have never considered myself to be a child of a broken home. I have actually always considered myself to be very lucky. My mom met an amazing man when I was five-years-old who soon became my step-father and more of a real father to me than my biological father has ever been.

I continued to affectionately call my father “daddy” several years after my parents were divorced. It took me awhile, but once I started to put the puzzle pieces together, I realized my father wasn’t the person my little girl eyes thought he was. He was selfish and manipulative. But despite my becoming acutely aware of these flaws, I never knew he was that kind of person. I never knew he cheated on my mother.

Until this past weekend.

I guess I shouldn’t have been shocked. But I couldn’t help it: I was speechless, I was disgusted.

For so many years, I’ve been trying to salvage the small resemblance of a relationship I have with my father. And now, I’m forced to ask myself why I’ve even bothered.

I already have a long list of qualities I don’t like about him. Add this to the mix? I honestly don’t know if I can find it in myself to try anymore. I don’t know if I can find it in myself to even care. I’m 21 years removed from the situation, but I feel pain as if it happened just yesterday. And I’m angry. I’m more angry with my father than I have ever been before (which is saying quite a lot). I feel pain, I feel anger, and yet I feel numb. Completely numb.