Today someone said something to me that I have never heard someone say…at least not in reference to how I live my life.
“You are making yourself too available.”
What? I thought. No. I could never be too available.
I’m the one that is always too busy. I’m the one that is always preoccupied. I’m the one that is always making excuses. I’m the one that is always selfishly absorbed in getting enough “me” time. I am never, on the other hand, the one who can’t seem to get enough of someone else.
And so, this comment struck me in a hard and unexpected way. At first I tried to defend myself. I rambled on and on about how “this” wasn’t me and “this” was very uncharacteristic and out of the ordinary. True and true. But “this” is the situation regardless of how anti-me it seems to be.
I can do one of two things…1) I can just let go for once in my life and see how everything plays out or 2) I can do what I do best and simply force the fizzle.
I don’t like my options. I think I am virtually incapable of option #1 and option #2 doesn’t seem particularly appealing either.
I like him. Another truth. And it scares me to death. Then add a comment like “You are making yourself too available” to the equation and it discombobulates everything even further. It messes with my head. I had already decided I was done playing games, but now it seems as if I have unintentionally slipped into yet another game.
Now I can’t help but ask myself, am I making myself too available?
If the answer “yes” comes to my head for just a fraction of a second (which, let’s be honest, the very existence of this post proves that it has), I will backpedal. And if I backpedal, the likelihood of a fizzle becomes far more probable.
I don’t like my options.
I like him, I have to remind myself. So why do I allow such comments to poison my mind? Why do I allow myself to revert back to such a state of stubbornness? And why am I unable to just enjoy the moment and let things be?
Is making yourself too available a bad thing when you really like someone? I thought the whole point of finding a match was to find someone you wanted to spend every second with. I know you and I know that you are definitely not the type of girl who would change and be like that for the long term. There’s no way that spending so much time together in the beginning would make you give up who you are and where you are going in the long term. So, at the moment, try not to worry about it and enjoy the feeling
I believe rules go out the window once you find that one…however, I can say that now in hindsight!
When you like someone, love someone, you are motivated to act out character, to do anything to make it work, make it last. Some of the best relationships are those that teach you to be someone other than who you have been, someone more. Sometimes that unfamiliar feeling is growth and it is inspired by the need to push past our own personal boundaries to meet that person in the middle. Our relationships with people are priceless. The fact that you found someone who has the power to make you feel that way is a gift. The uneasiness is so very natural because you are recognizing your vulnerability. By letting your guard down you are giving yourself and the other person an ability to connect on a deeper level. You shouldn’t think about being “too available”. You should see him when you feel like seeing him. Listen to what’s inside your heart, not your head. It’s usually the better guide. <3